Line 181:  Today

 

Namely, July 5, 1959, 6th Sunday after Trinity.  Shade began writing Canto Two “early in the morning” (thus noted at the top of Card 14).  He continued (down to line 208) on and off throughout the day.  Most of the evening and a part of the night were devoted to what his favorite eighteenth-century writers have termed “the Bustle and Vanity of the World.”  After the last guest had gone (on a bicycle), and the ashtrays had been emptied, all the windows were dark for a couple of hours; but then, at about 3 A.M., I saw from my upstairs bathroom that the poet had gone back to his desk in the lilac light of his den, and this nocturnal session brought the canto to line 230 (card 18).  On another trip to the bathroom an hour and a half later, at sunrise, I found the light transferred to the bedroom, and smiled indulgently, for, according to my deductions, only two nights had passed since the three-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-ninth time—but no matter.  A few minutes later all was solid darkness again, and I went back to bed.

 

On July 5th, at noontime, in the other hemisphere, on the rain-swept tarmac of the Onhava airfield, Gradus, holding a French passport, walked towards a Russian commercial plane bound for Copenhagen, and this event synchronized with Shade’s starting in the early morning (Atlantic seaboard time) to compose, or to set down after composing in bed, the opening lines of Canto Two.  When almost twenty-four hours later he got to line 230, Gradus, after a refreshing night at the summer house of our consul in Copenhagen, an important Shadow, a clothes store in order to conform to his description in later notes (to lines 286 and 408).  Migraine again worse today.

 

As to my own activities, they were I am afraid most unsatisfactory from all points of view—emotional, creative, and social.  That jinxy streak had started on the eve when I had been kind enough to offer a young friend—a candidate for my third ping-pong table who after a sensational series of traffic violations had been deprived of his driving license—to take him, in my powerful Kramler, all the way to his parents’ estate, a little matter of two hundred miles.  In the course of an all-night party, among crowds of strangers—young people, old people, cloyingly perfumed girls—in an atmosphere of fireworks, barbecue smoke, horseplay, jazz music, and auroral swimming, I lost all contact with the silly boy, was made to dance, was made to sing, got involved in the most boring bibble-babble imaginable with various relatives of the child, and finally, in some inconceivable manner, found myself transported to a different party on a different estate, where, after some indescribable parlor games, in which my beard was nearly snipped off, I had a fruit-and-rice breakfast and was taken by my anonymous host, a drunken old fool in tuxedo and riding breeches, on a stumbling round of his stables.  Upon locating my car (off the road, in a pine grove), I tossed out of the driver’s seat a pair of soggy swimming trunks and a girl’s silver slipper.  The brakes had aged overnight, and I soon ran out of gas on a desolate stretch of road.  Six o’clock was being chimed by the clocks of Wordsmith College, when I reached Arcady, swearing to myself never to be caught like that again and innocently looking forward to the solace of a quiet evening with my poet.  Only when I saw the beribboned flat carton I had placed on a chair in my hallway did I realize that I had almost missed his birthday.

 

Some time ago I had noticed that date on the jacked of one of his books; had pondered the awful decrepitude of his breakfast attire; had playfully measured my arm against his; and had bought for him in Washing ton an utterly gorgeous silk dressing gown, a veritable dragon skin of oriental chromas, fit for a samurai; and this was shat the carton contained. 

 

Hurriedly I shed by clothes and, roaring my favorite hymn, took a shower.  My versatile gardener, while administering to me a much-needed rubdown, informed me that the Shades were giving that night a big “buffet” dinner, and that Senator Blank (an outspoken statesman very much in the news and a cousin of John’s) was expected.

 

Now there is nothing a lonesome man relishes more than an impromptu birthday party, and thinking—nay, feeling certain—that my unattended telephone had been ringing all day, I blithely dialed the Shades’ number, and of course it was Sybil who answered.

 

Bon soir, Sybil.”

“Oh, hullo, Charles.  Had a nice trip?”

“Well, to tell the truth—“

“Look, I know you want John but he is resting right now, and I’m frightfully busy.  He’ll call you back later, okay?”

 

“Later when—tonight?”

“No, tomorrow, I guess.  There goes that doorbell.  Bye-bye.”

 

Strange.  Why should Sybil have to listen to doorbells when, besides the made and the cook, two white-coated hired boys were around?  False pride prevented me from doing what I should have done—taken my royal gift under my arm and serenely marched over to that inhospitable house.  Who knows—I might have been rewarded at the back door with a drop of kitchen sherry.  I still hoped there had been a mistake, and Shade would telephone.  It was a bitter wait, and the only effect that the bottle of champagne I drank all alone now at this window, now at that, had on me was a bad crapula (hangover).

 

From behind a drapery, from behind a box tree, through the golden veil of evening and through the black lacery of night, I kept watching that lawn, that drive, that fanlight, those jewel-bright windows.  The sun had not yet set when, at a quarter past seven, I heard the first guest’s car.  Oh, I saw them all.  I saw ancient Dr. Sutton, a snowy-headed, perfectly oval little gentleman arrive in a tottering Ford with his tall daughter, Mrs. Starr, a war widow.  I saw a couple, later identified for me as Mr. Colt, a local lawyer, and his wife, whose blundering Cadillac half entered my driveway before retreating in a flurry of luminous nictitation.  I saw a world-famous old writer, bent under the incubus of literary honors and his own prolific mediocrity, arrive in a taxi out of the dim times of yore when Shade and he had been joint editors of a little review.  I saw Frank, the Shades’ handyman, depart in the station wagon.  I saw a retired professor of ornithology walk up from the highway where he had illegally parked his car.  I saw, ensconced in their tiny Pulex, manned by her boy-handsome tousle-haired girl friend, the patroness of the arts who had sponsored Aunt Maud’s last exhibition.  I saw Frank return with the New Wye antiquarian, purblind Mr. Kaplun, and his wife, a dilapidated eagle.  I saw a Korean graduate student in dinner jacket come on a bicycle, and the college president in baggy suit come on foot.  I saw, in the performance of their ceremonial duties, in light and shadow, and from window to window, where like Martians the martinis and highballs cruised, the two white-coated youths from the hotel school, and realized that I knew well, quite well, the slighter of the two.  And finally, at half past eight (when, I imagine, the lady of the house had begun to crack her finger joints as was her impatient wont) a long black limousine, officially glossy and rather funereal, glided into the aura of the drive, and while the fat Negro chauffeur hastened to open the car door, I saw, with pity, my poet emerge from his house, a white flower in his button-hole and a grin of welcome on his liquor-flushed face. 

 

Next morning, as soon as I saw Sybil drive away to fetch Ruby the maid who did not sleep in the house, I crossed over with the prettily and reproachfully wrapped up carton.  In front of their garage, on the ground, I noticed a buchmann, a little pillar of library books which Sybil had obviously forgotten there.  I bent towards them under the incubus of curiosity:  they were mostly by Mr. Faulkner; and the next moment Sybil was back, her tires scrunching on the gravel right behind me.  I added the books to my gift and place the whole pile in her lap.  That was nice of me—but what was that carton?  Just a present for John.  A present?  Well, was it not his birthday yesterday?  Yes, it was, but after all are not birthdays mere conventions?  Conventions or not, but it was my birthday too—small difference of sixteen years, that’s all.  Oh my!  Congratulations.  And how did the party go?  Well, you know what such parties are (here I reached into my pocket for another book—a book she did not expect).  Yes, what are they?  Oh, people whom you’ve known all your life and simply must invite once a year, men like Ben Kaplun and Dick Colt with whom we went to school, and that Washington cousin, and the fellow whose novels you and John think so phony.  We did not ask you because we knew how tedious you find such affairs.  This was my cue.

 

“Speaking of novels,” I said, “you remember we decided once, you, your husband and I, that Proust’s rough masterpiece was a huge, ghoulish fairy tale, an asparagus dream, totally unconnected with any possible people in any historical France, a sexual travestissement and a colossal farce, the vocabulary of genius and its poetry, but no more, impossibly rude hostesses, please let me speak, and even ruder guests, mechanical Dostoevskian rows and Tolstoian nuances of snobbishness repeated and expanded to an unsufferable length, adorable seascapes, melting avenues, no, do not interrupt me, light and shad effects rivaling those of the greatest English poets, a flora of metaphors, described—by Cocteau, I think—as ‘a mirage of suspended gardens,’ and, I have not yet finished, an absurd, rubber-and-wire romance between a blonde young blackguard (the fictitious Marcel), and an improbable jeune fille who has a pasted-on bosom, Vronski’s (and Lyovin’s) thick neck, and a cupid’s buttocks for cheeks; but—and now let me finish sweetly—we were wrong, Sybil, we were wrong in denying our little beau ténébreux the capacity of evoking ‘human interest’:  it is there, it is there—maybe a rather eighteenth-centuryish, or even seventeenth-centuryish, brand, but it is there.  Please, dip or redip, spider, into this book (offering it), you will find a pretty marker in it bought in France, I want John to keep it.  Au revoir, Sybil, I must go now.  I think my telephone is ringing.”

 

I am a very sly Zemblan.  Just in case, I had brought with me in my pocket the third and last volume of the Bibliothèque de la Pléiade edition, Paris, 1954, of Proust’s work, wherein I had marked certain passages on pages 269-271.  Mme. De Mortemart, having decide that Mme. De Valcourt would not be among the “elected” at her soirée, intended to send her a note on the next day saying “Dear Edith, I miss you, last night I did not expect you too much (Edith would wonder:  how could she at all, since she did not invite me?) because I know you are not overfond of this sort of parties which, if anything, bore you.”

 

So much for John Shade’s last birthday.

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